Cyclocross is for crazy people.

What is cyclocross? What is it about?

For thsoe who don't know much about it, Cyclocross is nuts. In all honesty it really is. The season starts in the fall and runs through the winter. When all the other cyclist are putting their bikes up until the weather gets warm again, cyclocross racers are just starting. Rain? Snow? Mud? C-c-c-cold? Yep, whatever it’s doing outside the ‘cross racers head out into it. Master’s World Championships were held in Louisville this year in the middle of January and the final round of races were held on “frozen muddy ruts”. Cyclocross uses bikes that are pretty much road bikes with tires that are a bit wider – say, 33mm wide instead of 23mm wide with a little bit of tread – and ride mostly off-road. Sure, there’s some pavement but there’s also sand, grass, single-track, hills or stairs steep enough that you are faster to run up and the infamous barriers. Barriers are usually found in groups of two or three forcing most racers off their bikes to hop off, run over the barriers, toss the bike down, hop on and pedal away as fast as you can. All of this done on a course no longer than 2 miles for a time of no more than an hour. The end result is pretty much an all-out sprint. Go right up until you’re about to puke and then back off just enough so you can maintain that effort for 45 minutes to an hour.  Add to this the atmosphere where heckling the racers is encouraged, costumes are common and beer hand ups are practiced (just try chugging a cheap beer while you are so far in the red zone you can hardly see straight). So I think you can see what I mean by “nuts”.

 

Halloween race at Uncle Steve's. Photo courtesy of Noah Hutson



I tell people that cyclocross can be explained two ways. It’s a lot like when you were 8 or 9 years old and you got together with your friends on your bikes. Someone would say “OK, we go down the sidewalk, up the driveway at Tommy’s house, around the car, around the tree in his front yard, over the fence…”

Or you could explain ‘cross as in the early 1900’s several French guys were drinking too much wine late in one fall and talking “We should host a bicycle race…”

“Yes, let’s do that. It should be really hard”

“Yes, Yes! (Oui! Oui!) We will make them take their bicycles built for the road and race it in the fields and forest. We should also put the logs right in their path.”

“Oh yes, that would be excellent! And it should be when the weather is horrible outside”

“Agreed! But we should get them drunk first so they will be much more agreeable to race.”

So if it could possibly be miserable out why would anyone want to do it? I explain it as being like heroin in this manner: Right after your first race you’ll be sick and want nothing more to do with it. But 20 minutes later you’ll be jonesing for more and more. You may even decide to race in a second category that very same day. You will now be hopelessly addicted. In several months you’ll end up with an identical bike and three sets of wheels for each bike (each set having course-specific tread) as long as your wallet and/or significant other allow.

Larry P at Uncle Steve's Halloween race. Photo courtesy Noah Hutson.

Besides, what drives people to do any sort of activity that is difficult, strenuous, challenging or just plain hard?

Why not?

Shoot out at the Not-So-OK Corral!

Last week we posted the challenge for Halloween -- make a donation to the Wounded Warrior Project and you get to vote on what costume I wear to race my bike in. The grand winner is . . . the 187s! Chief 187 picked me to dress up as a old-west Marshall, perhaps Wyatt Earp. Well, you asked for it:

Photo ccourtesy my lovely bride

The yellow helmet bag is not exactly period-correct, I grant you. Yes I look like I'm about to reach for my six-shooter but alas I had none. I did have the Sheriff star badge but it kept falling off. And you can plainly see all the tired ponies laying about. More photos exist to prove I actually raced the C race in this get-up (swapping the cowboy had for a helmet) that I am working on getting permission to use. Will post them soon.

Too bad we didn't think to get pictures of my lovely bride. She dressed up as "The Devil as played by Josephine in the theatrical production of "Tombstone"." She looked absolutely stunning. My bride also won the prize for "costume with the longest title." Which I didn't think existed outside of the Halloween party in Athens, OH. But this was instead Uncle Steve's in Marysville, OH. Cap City Cross race #3.

I didn't win any prizes for my costume nor for my riding. I did win the "first guy to wipe out" in the C race. To set the scene: All people wearing costumes got a call-up on the starting line (A call-up meaning you get called to come up to the front of the pack). Heading up the front stretch, through the first turn and down the next stretch it's Scooby Do followed by yours truly. YEAH, alright! But it didn't last so long as going into the left hand 180 I grabbed a bit too much rear brake and slid right at the front of the field. A recipe for disaster as we all can imagine. (Lesson #4: Less rear brake. More Cowbell). However most people were able to avoid me and such falls are pretty common place in a cyclocross race so evasive maneuvering is a quickly mastered skill in this line of racing/havoc. I quickly got back up and back in the race. Which meant I pedalled to the point of oxygen deprivation and tried not to cross that line. I didn't pass out so I guess I succeeded.

The course for the most part was very technical; tight, winding back and forth on itself like a really long, really confused snake. Maybe the snake reached oxygen deprivation and fell over. I don't know. There weren't many long stretches that allowed for a lot of speed and most of the long stretches we had were really bumpy. Wonkers, my shoulders have never hurt so bad from a bike race. And then we went down a STEEP drop off into the creek bed, following the creek bed for a good 75 yards or so. Pure vintage 'cross. The mud was more than ankle deep and halted anyone who attempted to ride it, although many tried and many more would ride just up to the muck. I just hopped off the bike prior to the drop off, jumped down and ran. Run, dumb bike rider guy, run! Then climb back up, hop on and pedal like mad to the start/finish line to do it all again! Not a fast course but that probably suited me OK as I haven't worked on holding a fast pace in the straights.

All in all, I held on for another 11th in the C race. And yes, I did indeed race the B race again. My beautiful bride and those who challenged me at the last race to do it showed me that I can indeed handle it and I increased my placing over last race - 7th place in the B (Masters 35+). Not bad considering I wiped out shortly after the start of the race and was DEAD LAST coming out of the first series of S turns. It was a little further in and was just one of those racing things. We were all wadded up trying to get through the S's and my front wheel overlapped a rider ahead of me with nowhere to go. So it goes. I ended up passing some guys who got me in the C race and now I'm beginning to think that the longer nature of the B race might suit me a bit better. Not the fastest off the start but able to maintain the output a bit longer. And hey, we had beer hand-ups! What's not to love?

We did observe but not participate in the Columbus City Championship race. I can't tell you all the details due to some super-secret double probation but it involved a shortened course, the ability to cheat at will and LOTS of Boon's Farm. Yes, *that* Boon's Farm. It was the scariest thing I saw all Halloween.

Next race is at Infirmary Mound in Newark, OH. It's a great place to race, hope it is laid out like last year. Sort of. However it's an OVCX race and the OVCX group brings some serious guys. So I'm expecting a LOT of riders and might get run over. So it goes. But I'm sore, tired & ready to go again.

Hope you are, too. Or at least ready to donate to the Wounded Warrior Project. What's stopping you?

Thanks for reading.